One day at a time…
This is my first time that I will start blogging and I am hoping to do this on a regular basis – just to find the time that is the big challenge. Just a little about myself, I am a Wife to an amazing husband (I think I am a wife first before a mother) any case I am also a mother of a beautiful little 2 year old. Then I am also a business owner of Mommy Wellness and Bella Roze (soon to be launched- baby and maternity body products)
English is not my first language – so please if there is/are grammer mistakes or spelling mistake please do not feel like you need to correct me because it will happen again in my next Blog!
Ok, so now that we are all on the same page – I would like to tell you why and about what I will be blogging. I love beauty, make up, high heels, nice cotton, silk clothes, perfume and the list goes on. BUT I am a Mom – and 99.9% of the time I will walk – no sorry- run out the door with my slippers on or forgot to spray perfume or walk into Woolies and spend my money on my little girl and NOT on that new silk top from Trenery! So I would like to talk/tell moms that at the end of the day we all struggle with the same things- but are not always honest about it! (do you not feel sometimes that you want to straggle that mom that will always tell you everything is going GREAT!!!) Then I think to myself WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG!!!
Any way – so I am going to blog about life – life as a Mom, Wife (whichever comes first) and as a Working Mom… I hope you enjoy it, if not stop reading my blogs because I am going to be brutally honest about things I struggle with on a daily basis. Travelling and being away from home – because you work! Guilt trip galore!
My husband and I had to fly down for Business to JHB. I had my meetings set up for the two days and he had his stuff that he needs to do. Just between us – why is it that 90% of meetings that business men attend – is always at a coffee shop? While you drive around in JHB trying to hold you Phone gps in one hand and trying to drive with the other – to go from one office park to the next – while they are sipping on a cappuccino – maybe I am doing it wrong
Any way, we had to leave our little girl with my parents in law for two nights! (This is not the first time we had to leave her) I hate doing that because I feel guilty – then I think is all this really worth it – should I not stay at home and be a ‘BETTER’ mom? Give more attention – Guilt trip galore!
She loves staying with her grandma and granddad – that is not a problem at all. I am the problem because I feel guilty while my husband – well now that I think about it – I must actually ask him if he feels guilty or just misses her. Why do moms or women do this to themselves – then I start to worry – is she going to be have separation problems, develop separation anxiety will she cope on her own – will Grandma understand what she wants and, and, and…
We went on our trip– but one thing I noticed was that when we come back she is very clingy. Does not want me out of her sight and when I need to take her too school she not as eager to go as other days.
So I started researching what happens when a moms leaves a child and am I being a bad mom? Yes I know – I am a bit over protective – is that the word – or over thinking it, do not tell me this has never crossed your mind when you had to leave your child. Let’s start with what is Separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is when a child gets upset when separated from a parent or loved carer. For example, a young child may become distressed when left with a baby sitter, or when put to bed by herself. Separation anxiety is normal during early childhood. It’s natural for your young child to feel anxious when you say goodbye. Although it can be difficult, separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. With understanding and these coping strategies, separation anxiety can be relieved—and should fade as your child gets older. Separation anxiety in children: what’s normal and what’s not
In early childhood, crying, tantrums, or clinginess are healthy reactions to separation. Separation anxiety can begin before a child’s first birthday, and may pop up again or last until a child is four years old, but both the intensity level and timing of separation anxiety vary tremendously from child to child. A little worry over leaving mom or dad is normal, even when your child is older. You can ease your child’s separation anxiety by staying patient and consistent, and by gently but firmly setting limits.
Some kids, however, experience separation anxiety that doesn’t go away, even with a parent’s best efforts. These children experience a continuation or reoccurrence of intense separation anxiety during their elementary school years or beyond. If separation anxiety is excessive enough to interfere with normal activities like school and friendships, and lasts for months rather than days, it may be a sign of a larger problem: separation anxiety disorder.
Easing normal separation anxiety in children
For children with normal separation anxiety, there are steps you can take to make the process of separation anxiety easier. *Practice separation. Leave your child with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first.
*Schedule separations after naps or feedings. Babies are more susceptible to separation anxiety when they’re tired or hungry. *Develop a “goodbye” ritual. Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss. *Keep familiar surroundings when possible and make new surroundings familiar. Have the sitter come to your house. When your child is away from home, let him or her bring a familiar object.
*Have a consistent primary caregiver. If you hire a caregiver, try to keep him or her on the job. *Leave without fanfare. Tell your child you are leaving and that you will return, then go—don’t stall. *Minimize scary television. Your child is less likely to be fearful if the shows you watch are not frightening. *Try not to give in. Reassure your child that he or she will be just fine—setting limits will help the adjustment to separation. *http://www.helpguide.org/
So –in summary – it is NORMAL! Some or all kids go through it some or other time. It is NOT because you are a bad mom and have to work and travel. I firmly belief in the above that you need to tell your child you are leaving BUT you will come back and also try to if you can in familiar surroundings. This is not always possible- I know. I would love for her to sleep in her own bed, play with her own toys, but at least when I leave her with my mother in law I know she will be cared and loved for.
So next time when my little girl is clingy when I return from a business trip – I am going to make the mind shift of not feeling guilty but to rather show her I missed her and that mommy is here and will give her 110% of my attention – does not matter how tired I am – Because they need that reassurance and that she is clingy because she missed me!