Toddler temper tantrums

 

april 2015

Seemingly bad behaviour and temper tantrums seem to go together. Your delightful child suddenly stamps her feet defiantly if she can’t get her own way, or flies into a rage for no apparent reason. Temper tantrums are a necessary and healthy (but difficult) part of growing up.

Toddlers have a low level of frustration – temper is easily triggered when things don’t go according to their plan. In younger toddlers (under 3 years), most tantrums are caused when they become frustrated with their ability to perform certain tasks (such as putting on their own shoes). This is when a helping hand (not punishment) is all that is needed, and the ‘tantrum’ soon abates.

However, it is important to remember that overtiredness and over-stimulation leading to sensory overload, also contribute towards temper tantrums and bad behaviour. It is especially worse in public situations, where unfamiliar people, loud noise, bright lights and different smells are too much for her to handle. She will also know that she does not have your full attention in a public setting, so will play up in order to get it!

Avoiding Temper Tantrums / Be One Step Ahead

    • Be in tune to sensory signals: modulate or remove your child from the stimulatory environment if you see any signs of overload.
    • Try to plan outings and activities during your child’s awake time to avoid tantrums and tears.
    • Be consistent: Try to stick to a routine. Routine is important to your toddler – it gives her boundaries and predictability in her world, which helps her to feel secure.
    • Avoid hunger: your toddler needs to eat frequently, so avoid letting her get too hungry – she will become very grumpy.
    • Prevent a situation from arising: If you see that your 2 year old is struggling to put her shoes on and is getting frustrated, step in and offer to help her before she loses her temper.
    • Offer her choices whenever possible. Instead of saying “eat your beans”, rather say “would you like beans or squash?”
    • Try to choose your battles – is it really the end of the world if your toddler goes out with two different shoes on?

 
Tackling Temper Tantrums

    • As a parent, it is always important to help your child make sense of what is happening and how she is feeling. This way, your toddler will learn to trust her feelings and solve many of her own problems. Try and get into the habit to always acknowledge how your child is feeling by giving it a name, then to mirror the feeling, then offer some sort of distraction. So when your toddler performs when denied an ice cream, try handling it in a different way. Say “oh dear, are you cross that you can’t have an ice cream, I would be too if I were you because you are so tired, but I tell you what, let’s go and have a look at the balloons and see if they have a blue one – that’s your favourite colour, and then we’ll go home for a sleep”. This way, your child will get the message from you that whatever she is experiencing is not dangerous, not out of control and can be managed.
    • Stay calm in the storm of the tantrum! Your role is to contain her distress, so don’t stomp out the room, try not to shout if she shouts, or be angry if she is angry (this will only lead to two toddlers in the room!). If your toddler will allow you to, help her to sort out what it is that is causing her frustration. If it is too late for that, give her a big, firm and deep hug, and try and keep her close to you in this way until her anger subsides. Try to stay with her even if she won’t let you touch her, and offer that cuddle for later when she is calm. The storm of emotion she is going through can be frightening for her, so she needs to know that you are there for her.
    • Use ‘time out’ (if the tantrum warrants it) from the age of 2 years.
    • Walk away if you feel that you are losing control – take some deep breaths and count to ten, then return.
    • Don’t give in to the tantrum – if you do this you will only be re-enforcing the negative/bad behaviour. By conceding, you will only be teaching your child that all she needs to do is have a ‘frothy’ in order to get what she wants. It is best to ignore the behaviour, and rather focus on the reason for the tantrum in the first place. By ignoring the tantrum, you are giving her a message that this behaviour does not move you, and she will most likely stop.
    • In the throes of a tantrum, don’t plead, beg or negotiate – it will give your child a message that you are anxious and not in control.

Always remember to praise and acknowledge your child when they have handled a difficult situation well, or if they have done as you have asked. This way, you only ‘reward’ positive behaviour, and largely ignore the negative behaviour.

Toddler Sense Secret: By the age of 4 years, most toddlers have learnt that there are other, easier ways of getting what they want, so you will notice that temper tantrums will lessen.

Love is in the air

feb 2015

 

Love is in the air – and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! But, if you’ve just had a baby or spent too much money, feeling tired, unmotivated or just un-pretty, romance is probably the furthest thing from your mind. Life’s day to day obstacles can put enough stress on yourself and your relationships, without the pressure of a day that requires more of you. So why not make Valentine’s Day a time for exactly what you and your family needs – love! Keep it simple, cheap and from the heart. Here are a few of our favourite ideas to help inspire…

For new parents – today, the housework can wait.
Appreciate each other. Plan ahead. This way, you can work around your baby’s routine and still make it a special occasion. Plan a surprise – write a love note on baby’s nappy or surprise him with a gift! Take some baby-free time once it’s past bedtime, throw a blanket on the living room floor and enjoy a picnic.

For babies and toddlers – arts and crafts will be loads of fun, and give you something to keep as a memory of the day. A potato can be cut out or a toilet roll can easily be bent into the shape of a heart to be used as stamps for their works of art. Also, old left over crayons can be melted into any shape you want! Place the crayons into a baking tray (heart shaped, even) and heat in the oven at 120 degrees for 20 minutes, then leave to cool completely. A great way to recycle and makes a gift they can keep on enjoying.

For kids at school – try a clever and cute labelled gift to surprise the other kids!
‘You put the bounce in my step’ with a bouncing ball
‘You blow me away’ with bubbles
‘I’m glad you’re in my school’ with a bag of fish marshmallows

For the family – A scavenger hunt is always a firm favourite. Cut four or five hearts out of red/pink paper, label them 1 to 5 on the backside, and write a clue on the front that describes something you love about the recipient, but at the same time, leads them to a spot around the house where they will find the next clue.

Just to get your creative juices flowing, here are a few ideas:
“I admire the dedication you showed in order to get an A in Maths. Where is the last place you left your Maths book?” “You have such a big, kind heart when you help your little brother pick up his puzzles . Where do we keep his puzzles?”

Wishing you all the love this February!

Surviving the morning rush

dec 2014

I am a mom of an absolutely gorgeous little 2 and a half year old toddler girl – Yes I say this while I am sitting in front of my computer at work, she is at school, husband at work and I have some peace and quiet.

I do not know how your routine works in the morning but mine is crazy, I have everything worked out to the minute – Well that was until my two year old decided that she wants to dress herself and not just that BUT also choose her own clothes. Now, I only have one girl – I do not know if boys are the same – but can you just take a minute and imagine you have 3 or 4 girls! Madness.

My husband leaves at 6am in the morning for work, so I get up when he leaves and then get myself ready. Those who know me I do not ‘faff’ I hardly wear make-up and all those fancy things. Anyway, get in the shower, get myself ready, (during that time Izeblla woke up) and opening and closing my shower door asking me why she must go to school, why am I showering, why is the cat in the room…..why why why… Then I get dress, put Lollos on for her – yes my child watch tv in the morning that is the only way I can get something done. I am not one of those super moms. Then I pack her lunch box and get her cereal ready. And again she gets cereal in the morning – not eggs and toast, not flapjacks…. I seriously do not know how working moms manage to do that. If you do it – please email me your secret. Then give her, her cereal – ( this again is a topic on its own) When should they start to eat on their own? Are they eating enough? And And And. THEN – the dressing part…

She runs to her room, as if it is a game. Now, I do try to mentally prepare myself for this time of the morning, sometimes I handle it better than other – then I count to 100. But the other days I just can’t help it. I must just add I am a very strict mom, so at the beginning I told her what to wear, she had no choice in the matter – it would end up being a big screaming match, Izebella in tears, I am so angry because she does not want to listen! Then I decided I have to take a different approach – I can no do this every morning So I started reading up about it – and I came across a very interesting article in Edunews. I will give you the link below. Bottom line is that you need to let them dress themselves. It is a very important stage of growing up. I started following the advice that they gave in the article, and it is not always easy but I do understand my little girl better.

I must also admit that I do sometimes change her shoes (gum boots with a church dress) just before we go out, while she is busy – then she does not even notice it 🙂

Ps. Bear in mind this is actually a milestone – like taking that first step – I know it does not feel like it but let’s try and celebrate it.  Click on the link below and you will find the article in the online magazine. http://www.edunews.com.na/ – Page 32. Enjoy your day!

Between high heels and flat shoes…

sep 2014

One day at a time…

This is my first time that I will start blogging and I am hoping to do this on a regular basis – just to find the time that is the big challenge. Just a little about myself, I am a Wife to an amazing husband (I think I am a wife first before a mother) any case I am also a mother of a beautiful little 2 year old. Then I am also a business owner of Mommy Wellness and Bella Roze (soon to be launched- baby and maternity body products)

English is not my first language – so please if there is/are grammer mistakes or spelling mistake please do not feel like you need to correct me because it will happen again in my next Blog!

Ok, so now that we are all on the same page – I would like to tell you why and about what I will be blogging. I love beauty, make up, high heels, nice cotton, silk clothes, perfume and the list goes on. BUT I am a Mom – and 99.9% of the time I will walk – no sorry- run out the door with my slippers on or forgot to spray perfume or walk into Woolies and spend my money on my little girl and NOT on that new silk top from Trenery! So I would like to talk/tell moms that at the end of the day we all struggle with the same things- but are not always honest about it! (do you not feel sometimes that you want to straggle that mom that will always tell you everything is going GREAT!!!) Then I think to myself WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG!!!

Any way – so I am going to blog about life – life as a Mom, Wife (whichever comes first) and as a Working Mom… I hope you enjoy it, if not stop reading my blogs because I am going to be brutally honest about things I struggle with on a daily basis. Travelling and being away from home – because you work! Guilt trip galore!

My husband and I had to fly down for Business to JHB. I had my meetings set up for the two days and he had his stuff that he needs to do. Just between us – why is it that 90% of meetings that business men attend – is always at a coffee shop? While you drive around in JHB trying to hold you Phone gps in one hand and trying to drive with the other – to go from one office park to the next – while they are sipping on a cappuccino – maybe I am doing it wrong 

Any way, we had to leave our little girl with my parents in law for two nights! (This is not the first time we had to leave her) I hate doing that because I feel guilty – then I think is all this really worth it – should I not stay at home and be a ‘BETTER’ mom? Give more attention – Guilt trip galore!

She loves staying with her grandma and granddad – that is not a problem at all. I am the problem because I feel guilty while my husband – well now that I think about it – I must actually ask him if he feels guilty or just misses her. Why do moms or women do this to themselves – then I start to worry – is she going to be have separation problems, develop separation anxiety will she cope on her own – will Grandma understand what she wants and, and, and…

We went on our trip– but one thing I noticed was that when we come back she is very clingy. Does not want me out of her sight and when I need to take her too school she not as eager to go as other days.

So I started researching what happens when a moms leaves a child and am I being a bad mom? Yes I know – I am a bit over protective – is that the word – or over thinking it, do not tell me this has never crossed your mind when you had to leave your child. Let’s start with what is Separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is when a child gets upset when separated from a parent or loved carer. For example, a young child may become distressed when left with a baby sitter, or when put to bed by herself. Separation anxiety is normal during early childhood. It’s natural for your young child to feel anxious when you say goodbye. Although it can be difficult, separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. With understanding and these coping strategies, separation anxiety can be relieved—and should fade as your child gets older. Separation anxiety in children: what’s normal and what’s not

In early childhood, crying, tantrums, or clinginess are healthy reactions to separation. Separation anxiety can begin before a child’s first birthday, and may pop up again or last until a child is four years old, but both the intensity level and timing of separation anxiety vary tremendously from child to child. A little worry over leaving mom or dad is normal, even when your child is older. You can ease your child’s separation anxiety by staying patient and consistent, and by gently but firmly setting limits.

Some kids, however, experience separation anxiety that doesn’t go away, even with a parent’s best efforts. These children experience a continuation or reoccurrence of intense separation anxiety during their elementary school years or beyond. If separation anxiety is excessive enough to interfere with normal activities like school and friendships, and lasts for months rather than days, it may be a sign of a larger problem: separation anxiety disorder.

Easing normal separation anxiety in children

For children with normal separation anxiety, there are steps you can take to make the process of separation anxiety easier. *Practice separation. Leave your child with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first.
*Schedule separations after naps or feedings. Babies are more susceptible to separation anxiety when they’re tired or hungry. *Develop a “goodbye” ritual. Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss. *Keep familiar surroundings when possible and make new surroundings familiar. Have the sitter come to your house. When your child is away from home, let him or her bring a familiar object.

*Have a consistent primary caregiver. If you hire a caregiver, try to keep him or her on the job. *Leave without fanfare. Tell your child you are leaving and that you will return, then go—don’t stall. *Minimize scary television. Your child is less likely to be fearful if the shows you watch are not frightening. *Try not to give in. Reassure your child that he or she will be just fine—setting limits will help the adjustment to separation. *http://www.helpguide.org/

So –in summary – it is NORMAL! Some or all kids go through it some or other time. It is NOT because you are a bad mom and have to work and travel. I firmly belief in the above that you need to tell your child you are leaving BUT you will come back and also try to if you can in familiar surroundings. This is not always possible- I know. I would love for her to sleep in her own bed, play with her own toys, but at least when I leave her with my mother in law I know she will be cared and loved for.
So next time when my little girl is clingy when I return from a business trip – I am going to make the mind shift of not feeling guilty but to rather show her I missed her and that mommy is here and will give her 110% of my attention – does not matter how tired I am – Because they need that reassurance and that she is clingy because she missed me!

Seasons Greetings

dec 2012

Stress, stress go away, come back another day…

Children bring joy, love and countless gifts to our lives, and there is no deeper bond than that between mother and child. However, with the commitment to nurture another human being from infancy to adulthood (and beyond), comes an additional load of stress and the stress that comes with motherhood can be significant.

While each mother may face unique stressors, many demands of motherhood and the stressors experienced are virtually universal.

A High percentage of mothers feel stress in the following areas:

Time Demands
 Finance
 Relationship Demands
 Protective Instincts
 Self Doubt
 Time Alone

So if you want to live a healthier, happier and potentially live longer, you must reduce stress.

Let’s look at some fun and pleasurable ways to reduce stress and improve the quality of your life at the same time:

Exercise, especially aerobic exercise, can help to reduce stress. An additional side effect of exercise for stress reduction is that you might lose weight and gain muscle mass.

Sleep is so crucial to living a vital life. Ensuring you get enough sleep but not too much can be a tricky balancing act. Getting enough quality sleep will help reduce stress.

Reading helps relax your body while keeping your mind active.

Laughter is, as they have long said, the best medicine and that is the case with stress relief too. Find things you love to do, and do them. Throw a few jokes and laughter in along the way.

MORE FUN EQUALS LESS STRESS!

Come and Relax at Mommy Wellness with our Pure Stress Relief Treatment, for that half an hour we will transport you to another world! We will sooth away the tension in your scalp, back, neck and shoulders….

4th Trimester healing hour

nov 2012

Those early months of new motherhood can be exhausting. Our 4th Trimester Healing Hour helps to realign and restore your body as it naturally adapts and returns to being one person again. This is your healing hour – and you’ve earned it. A perfect present from your loved ones, or even from yourself.

Benefits and Intention:

The 4th Trimester Healing hour is composed to alleviate many of the discomforts experienced immediately after birth and assist in recuperation and the return of the clients body to its normal pre-pregnancy state. Massage stimulates glandular secretions, stabilizing hormonal levels making their side effects less severe, increase blood and lymphatic circulation, relieving oedema and swelling. The intention to stimulate a parasympathetic response, of the mother’s autonomic nervous system, (rest and relaxation). Skilled massage therapist establish good communication with their clients about their pressure and closely track their clients’ responses during the session.

Sunscreen for Summer

oct 2012

Summer is here and soon everyone will be looking for that perfect sunscreen that will give you the best protection for the summer sun. But unfortunately the most well-intentioned daily sunscreen wearers are likely doing it wrong.

Even the most diligent people who put on sunscreen everyday or buy makeup with SPF still are likely not getting the protection they think.

That’s because, for women, protecting yourself from the sun is more complex than just choosing an SPF number. The sunscreen in foundation or tinted moisturizer isn’t enough for everyday protection. And the sunscreen in cosmetics mostly offers protection against one type of ultraviolet ray, and makeup isn’t applied as thoroughly or frequently as needed.

And though dermatologists recommend wearing a sunscreen every day, most people don’t. Only about one in five people wears sunscreen properly on a consistent daily basis.

But a product’s SPF indicates only its ability to defend against sunburn-causing ultraviolet-B rays—and not against ultraviolet-A, which penetrate deeper into the skin and cause premature aging. (Both types contribute to skin cancer.) For example, a person wearing SPF 50 could spend considerable time in the sun without getting burned. “They think they’re getting protected but they’re getting the silent damage from UVA.

Sunscreen products that pass a new FDA test will now say “broad spectrum,” followed by the product’s SPF, to indicate its effectiveness for both types of rays. Dermatologists recommend wearing a broad-spectrum sunscreen with at least SPF 15 every day.

The UVA component is important, as window panes—at home or office or car—often blocks UVB but not UVA rays.

That is why I love Nimue’s new Sunscreen SPF 20, it provides the following:

• a wider variety of UVA filters that works in synergy giving you better protection – Nimue have in actual fact used a lower percentage of chemicals with double the SPF
• more antioxidants
• photostablisers so you move away from free radical formation and thus again enhance the performance of the SPF
• Moisturising properties
• Still the blend of organic and inorganic SPF’s

Nimue already conform with new SPF regulations that will come into play July 2013 and they have proven UVA protection done by an independent company (part of the July 2013 regulations) Do not delay in buying your sunscreen this summer and ensure that you do buy a sunscreen like Nimue that already conform to the SPF regulations for 2013.